...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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