i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
