Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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