...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
