Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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