I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
