absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
