I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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