Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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