The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
