I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Four minutes until I can fart!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize