true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
