seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
