I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
