i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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