ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
