I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
