Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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