Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
