Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize