Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
