kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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