I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
