Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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