I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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