I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
