im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
