Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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