His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
