you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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