I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
