Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
