I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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