Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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