there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
