I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
ok first of all what the fuck
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
