I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
