she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
