he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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