some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
