google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
