apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize