the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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