The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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