When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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