i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
