I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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