I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
