i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
