im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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