mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
