That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
