Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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