this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
