Don't you send me to vm
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
wanna go halves on a baby?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
