McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
