Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
