I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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