If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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