I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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