I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
