I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
