he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
