I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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