ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You left your underwear on the fireplace
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
