fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
