Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize