break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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