just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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