for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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