glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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