My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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