Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
