I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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