My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
