Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
